Confession Session returns!

I used to write "Confess Sesh" posts frequently, but for some reason or another, it's been months since I last confessed.  Maybe it's my PMS flaring up or I could still be perturbed about the Curious Case of the Stanky Dress, but I have just not been in the mood this week.  With that said, let me preface this post by asking you to excuse my snarky tone throughout. Air kisses!

I confess that I want to punch any holier-than-thou married or unmarried person who is getting on their soapbox saying Magic Mike is immoral.  However, let me also say that although I don't understand it, I completely respect if Magic Mike is something you can't co-sign. I just ask that you don't JUDGE ME or others who were there opening night with wine smuggled in our purses.  If loving Magic Mike is wrong, then I do NOT want to be right.  My bestie Beth's post also addresses "MagicMikeGate" today. Can I get an Amen?

I obviously think Channing Tatum is gift to all women, but I confess I had no idea who this Joe Manganiello cat was before Magic Mike and that's a damn shame.  His abs?  I have never in my life seen abs like his.   And when he does the body roll? OMG, I can't.  Do I also need to mention he's 6'5"? Ugh, I want to carry his babies.

Channing Tatum's FLASH MOB on The Today Show!  Dreams really do come true.

I confess that the comments I received as a result of my If Kate Upton is fat, then I am morbidly obese post on Tuesday are my favorite comments on a post to date.  Each e-mail that popped up on my phone notifying me of a new comment made my heart smile. I have not responded to them all yet, but thank you for your support and feedback on my opinion regarding this mess.

Just for kicks, let's take a look at the "lazy, lardy" look once more.  Someone put this woman in touch with Jessica Simpson's people so we can get her a Weight Watchers contract too. #Idon'tlikejokes

I confess that instead of complaining about Magic Mike and Kate Upton haters, I should really live by the motto "Don’t waste time explaining yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you."  But, I also confess that sometimes a girl just needs to vent.  Sue me.

I confess that I hated Emily Maynard's clip in "phonytail" during the rose ceremony on Monday. However, I hated her necklaces even more. The worst part? Those necklaces were THOUSANDS of dollars. 

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According to the blog Possessionista, all three of those necklaces will put you back $11,600 bones.

Diamond Bird Necklace: $4409

Diamond Chain Necklace: $2200

Fossilized Ivory Necklace w/ Diamond beads-$5000

Imagine all the Stella and Dot her stylist could have got for that price?  Just sayin'.

I confess for the last few days I've wanted to go to the movies by myself ONLY so I can eat the popcorn. Fat girl diaries.

I confess that I'm too lazy to think of any more confessions, so I'm just going to click "publish".  

Tomorrow I will be posting Friday Faves again at 7 a.m. EST, so be sure to link-up with me. I loved reading all of your posts last week! 

p.s. What do you confess??

Confess Sesh: Yes, I'm single. No, I don't cry myself to sleep at night.

According to my calculations, it's been over two months since my last confession and the amount of fan mail pouring in (none) begging for its return is just getting ridiculous.  So here i am skanks; it's confession time.

I confess that if one more friend tells me to get on match.com, I will cut them.  If I wanted to be on Match, eharmony, plenty of fish, etc., I'd be on it.

One of my married friends has even insisted on more than one occasion that I should join Events and Adventures aka the self proclaimed "Single Events Club".  Her text message went a little something like so:

"I'm going to sign you up for Events and Adventures, but I'll do it with you.  They do cool stuff like field trips to wine tastings and rock climbing."  

Do I look like I rock climb?  She may have had me at wine tasting, but she killed it with "field trip".  I didn't know adults went on field trips unless they were chaperoning as part of their PTA obligations.

Furthermore, at Oktoberfest this year I saw this lonely man holding up a yardstick with a "Dallas Singles Meet-Up" computer print off stapled to it. No offense, but I'd rather die alone before I'm seen huddling around a "Dallas Singles Meet-Up" sign in a public place. Seriously? That has to be a joke.

I know all you "relationship people" don't understand us "single people" and that's perfectly fine.  I don't try to understand you.  I also know that being 27 and single in the South is the equivalent of having a third leg, but if I'm OK with it, then you should be too.

I'm 99 percent kidding about this, so my dear friends, let's not get all up in arms.  I still have a few more years before my ovaries completely dry up.  Until then, let me drink too much and make bad decisions.

I know this entire post contradicts what I'm about to say, but I honestly have no issue with online dating.  I have friends who have met their spouses on it. I personally just don't want to be on it right now.  Namely because I need to do all three of these things:

End rant.

Confess Sesh: I'm a hot mess edition

Breaking news y'all: By this time tomorrow I will be gallivanting down Bourbon Street in FLAT shoes with a little sizzer in hand. That's right my compadres, the time has arrived for me to make my (not so) long awaited return to The Big Easy for Miss Courtney's Bachelorette Party Weekend Extravaganza. 

Me and Court this past St. Patty's Day!  Prepare yourselves Nawlins, we're coming for you.

Every one bow your heads and say a quick prayer for me.  I refuse to be rolled home in a wheelchair again.

It's no secret I'm a hot mess, which brings me to today's post.  I'm just doing my part to make you feel better about your lives. 

I confess I have been sleeping on orange self-tanner stained sheets for almost a month.  Like, it's unacceptable.  

Note: This is a google image, not my bed.  But close.

I confess that I haven't seen my stylist for a hair cut in so long that I look like a straight up polygamist.  Don't go trying to wife me up with Kody Brown just yet though because I finally have a hair appointment for next Saturday.  Can I get a hallelujah?

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I confess that I moved over a month ago and I still have more unpacked containers and boxes than I care to count.  Last Sunday my brother came in my room and told me he was turning me in to A&E Hoarders. 

I confess that I seriously contemplated checking my crutches on the plane for tomorrow's trip "just in case".  Better to be safe than sorry, right?

I confess that when I spent last weekend painting, I went 3 days without showering.  I'm still finding paint on my body and in my hair.

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I confess that writing this post has made me feel like the biggest scumbag of all time.  I'll understand if you turn me into the proper authorities:  The Department of Health

It's been too long since my last Confess Sesh

I'm taking a cue from Raven who took a cue from me and I'm confessing today.  Forgive me blog world for I have sinned ...

I confess that last week my car got in a fight with my garage.  Seriously, I could cry.  Does insurance cover "driving dumb" types of situations? 

I confess I want to punch this guy in the face who sits a few desks over.  ALL HE DOES IS TALK ABOUT FANTASY FOOTBALL.  Dude, it's not real. Get over it.  I don't care to hear you rattling off statistics all day long.

I confess that since I quit Weight Watchers back in July, I've gained 15 pounds. That is disgusting.  I've got 3 months to get in shape for Courtney's wedding in January then Kristina's wedding in February.  I tweeted about this last week, but how many of you are Weight Watchers' girls?  Some of my fave Pinterest fitness inspiration. It's time to get serious.

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 And just for giggles:

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I confess that I've still been living in squalor, but while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night I decided to get to work (this season is boring me).  The squalor transformation:

(By the way: the wall behind my bed is getting painted chocolate brown and all my furniture will be painted white.  Thanks for all the advice last week! I am not hanging anything on the walls yet because I have to carefully plan this room revamp out.)

I confess that I have almost 400 e-mails in my "Bargain Blonde" inbox and every day I keep promising myself I'm going to tackle them. Shocker, but every day I don't.  My goal is to get through them by the end of the week.  I love interacting with y'all and I feel so guilty.  Luckily, this weekend I have nothing to do and I couldn't be more excited about it. Time to start checking things off my mental to-do list.

Your turn: What do you confess? Bring it on biatches.

Confess Sesh: The I'm a procrastinator edition

Y'all.  I'm currently in panic mode.   "Why?" you ask?  Well, let's just take a look see at my current confessions and I'm sure you'll understand why.

I confess that I leave for Vegas tomorrow yet have not packed or bought one thing that I needed to.  Literally I do not have one dress to wear.  I guess I'll just go naked.  Public nudity is legal in Vegas, right?

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I confess that in addition to not packing for Vegas, I have not even started packing my apartment.  When I get back from Vegas, I literally have 4 week nights to pack.  Smart move Lindsey, smart move.

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I confess that I lost my check card on Friday, cancelled it yesterday and oh ... what do you know?  Some lady found it in the bathroom at work today.  Awesome.  Nothing like traveling to Vegas with a temporary check card with withdrawl limits on it.  FML.

I confess that I thought I lost my most prized posession aka this make-up bag and almost starting planning its memorial.  I have been looking everywhere for my baby, but finally have located its whereabouts.  I'll just add retrieving my make-up bag to my long list of to-do's I must get done before tomorrow.

I confess that I look homeless and like I've never seen a washing machine because my wrong color foundation (since my make-up bag was missing) exploaded all over my black pencil skirt this morning.  Nothing like starting your morning off with a nice big make-up stain on your skirt. 

I confess that I have never been more relieved that I have 2 DVRs for this week of ridiculous TV.  I'm also stressed about catching up on all these shows in between traveling and moving.  What are you most looking forward to watching this season?  I think Pan Am tops my list.

Now do you see why I'm a little stressed out and in panic mode?  All my own doing, of course.  I suppose instead of confessing, I should get moving.  Off to frantically shop for some Vegas dresses during lunch.  Wish me luck.

p.s. I'm guest blogging over at Keep It Classy, Alabama today.  I found THE cutest gameday dresses that are affordable! Go check them out and be sure to tell my namesake "hi!"

Confession Session: The "Does that make me crazy?" edition

TGIF bargainistas.  It's Friday, which means it's time to confess.  I've been thinking about doing a "Does that make me crazy?" post for a while, but it's pretty similar to a Confession Session, so I've decided to just combine the two. 



So ... Our local Dallas morning radio show, Kidd Kraddick in the Morning, does a "Does that make me crazy?" segment on the air and I laugh out loud listening to these people call in.  They make me feel better about my life.  The gist of the segment is people call in and dish on idiosyncrasies or OCD things they do in their life and then the morning show decides if that makes them crazy or not.

For instance, a woman called in on Monday and said any time she sneezes she has to slap her left leg then clap. HAHAHA!  I mean, what?

Then another lady called in and said any time a dog "relieves" itself outside, she has to lick her finger and touch her eyeball.  Again, WHAT?!

I also heard a lady call in once and say that when she washes dishes, she doesn't put the clean ones on top because she thinks all of her dishes need to be rotated.  She doesn't want any dishes to get their feelings hurt.  That's not normal.

All righty, so y'all get the idea.  I've always wondered if I called in, what would I say?  Well, here's what:

I confess that I sleep with a sleep mask on and the covers over my head.  Does that make me crazy?

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I confess that if the air is not on in the car I feel like I'm suffocating and I cannot breathe.  Does that make me crazy?

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I confess that I have started a wedding file with pictures of things I want for my wedding when if I get married. Does that make me crazy?  You know you have one too.

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I confess that I have a closet full of baby clothes for my future baby.  Does that make me crazy?   OK, I'm totally 100 percent kidding about that one (I swear), but my friend knows someone that does that.  Now that is crazy!

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So you knew this question was coming, what makes YOU crazy?  Don't hold back on me now. 

Confession Session

Hello friends!  Deep breath, it's Friday ... thank you sweet geezus.  It's been a rough week and I'm in desperate need of a few days off.  I feel that some blog therapy is in order, so a confession session it is.

Forgive me blog world for I have sinned ...

I confess that I am not adventurous at all when it comes to trying new food and drinks.  However, last night the waitress convinced me to try the "Guava Gimlet", which was an elixcer of sobieski vodka, lime juice, simple syrup, guava puree and pineapple juice.  Two thumbs up and the perfect drink for a hot summer day. I should try new things more often.  Maybe.

The Guava Gimlet aka heaven in my mouth.

I confess that I want to move to the UK and become a Gypsy so I can have my very own Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.  Have y'all seen this show on TLC?  One word: amazing.  If having neon green and blue bridesmaid dresses at your wedding is wrong, then I don't want to be right:

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I confess that I use my car as a second closet.  My mother's reaction upon seeing the contents of my trunk was and I quote, "You have more shoes in your car than most people have in their closet.  That's not normal."   It's not normal to have 13 pairs of shoes in your car?  I don't see what the problem is here.

I confess that although I'm a bargain shopper, I hate the smell of Goodwill and it literally makes my stomach hurt. The only thing I've ever purchased there were movies for my nephew.  They have quite the collection of old school Disney VHS for only a $1 a movie.   I know what you are thinking ....  yes, I still watch VHS.  Please be kind, rewind. 

I confess I'm going to an 80s Party tonight and I have absolutely no idea what I'm wearing.  Where do I find 80s attire?  I'm thinking of hitting up Plato's Closet (another smelly store that makes my stomach hurt).   All I know is I wish the teasing queen PinkLouLou lived by me so she could poof this Bargain Blonde some 80s hair because when I attempt to tease, this is what happens:

All right my little bargainistas ... Don't be shy, what do you confess?  I don't judge.

These are my confessions ...

I haven't confessed in a while, so this should be good.  Well, we'll see.  I haven't really thought about what I'm going to confess so it could be really lame. 

Forgive me blog world, for I have sinned ...

I confess that I love compliments especially when they involve people telling me how much they love my hair like 3 times already this morning.  I'm totally kidding, but not really.  As y'all know I got my hair cut yesterday (LOVE it) and I'm sure everyone thinks they have the best hair stylist ever, but I really do.  I mean, he is the hair stylist for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.  Enough said. 

Too bad I don't walk out of the salon with their bodies too.  If you live in Dallas and want the best hair ever, let me know and I'll give you his information. 

All right, so I tried to take this really quick this morning in the work restroom.  So SKEEZEY, I know.  I didn't want anyone popping in on me as I took a self-portrait, so this is the best I could do.  Ugh, why am I so creepy?  I look weird, like a major chester.  p.s. this is slept on hair.

I confess that I always use handicap restrooms and handicap changing rooms because I like that they are roomier.  So rude, I know.

I confess that I'm secretly nervous a crew from Hoarders is going to bust into my apartment any day now.  I am living in squalor, and I have to clean my apartment this weekend if it's the last thing I do.  Yes, that's a Miller Lite can on my bathroom counter. 


Grandma and Mom, I swear this is not normal.

 I confess that I have wanted a gay husband for the longest and I FINALLY found mine.  His name is Robert (hi, Robert), he's amazing and we met the night of my friend Kristi's bachelorette party.  My BFF Liz is so jealous it's not even funny.  Any available gay hubs out there?  She's taking applications. 

I confess that as a child, I was an aspiring cat mystery writer.  My mom dug these up for me and I'm pretty sure you're going to want to order copies of both ASAP.

I confess that I am not Betty Crocker.  I had a slight issue baking a Memorial Day cake for the river.  Who can't properly bake a boxed cake?  Apparently me. I think the issue was that I tried to take it out of the pan before it had cooled off all the way.  It was nothing a little icing and sprinkles couldn't fix:

All right ladies, I confessed and now it's your turn. What secrets are you keeping? Spill.

My confessions: Someone hates me edition

Since blogger was being such a little b word on Friday, I didn't get to do my confessions.  And since Rissy confessed yesterday and Ashley today, I couldn't be left out.

Forgive me blog world, for I have sinned ....

I confess that someone, maybe even Jesus, hates me.  If you're my Twitter or Facebook friend, then you probably already read about this story. However, I'm sure you'll still get a laugh the second time around.  Here's why:

Last night I was at Aldi picking up some groceries and maybe a bottle of wine jumped in my grocery cart.  There I was checking out and minding my own business, when I out of the corner of my eye I see my wine bottle start to topple off the conveyor belt.  Naturally, I'm going to jump to the wine's rescue. 

Before I know it, I'm on the floor surrounded by a puddle of glass and sweet nectar.  Swear.  The people's faces waiting in line to check-out looked a little something like this:

Trust me people, I was just as shocked and confused as you.  I leapt forward, but ended up losing my balance and flying backwards (I blame the Old Navy flips with zero traction that I was wearing). 

All I could think when I realized I had just tumbled to the ground was, "this is not my life."  All in the name of wine.  But seriously, someone must hate me because I didn't even end up leaving with a bottle of wine.  All I got was a bruised elbow and ego.

I confess last Friday I ate a donut (& a few donut holes) and Slimfast for breakfast.  They cancel each other out, right?

I confess that I just threw away Easter lunch leftovers and Easter eggs from my fridge last night.  Yes, I'm disgusting.  You can say it.

I confess I did laundry 2 weekends ago and didn't put it away until last night. 

I confess I haven't checked my mail in weeks.  Checking my mail makes the list of my least favorite things to do along with pumping gas, laundry, emptying my dishwasher, etc.  Basically, I'm just lazy and in my second life, I'm coming back as a cat.

I confess the highlight of my week was the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiering last night.   

I confess that last week I had to carry my nephew, his car seat plus my Mary Poppins purse down my stairs, so I did what any other normal person would do.  I strapped him into the car seat and carried him down the stairs buckled into the car seat.  He said "Aunt Lindsey, I'm scared.  You're gonna drop me."   I would never drop cargo as precious as this:

Happy Tuesday!  What do you confess?