If I had any chance of a date, consider it officially gone ...

Because if any dude sees me with oatmeal slathered all over my face, I'll be doomed to be dateless in Dallas forever. With that said, I feel it is my duty to let you girls know what you are getting yourself into if you try the DIY Oatmeal and Egg White Face Mask I posted about yesterday.

For good measure, I poured a glass of deelish vino before embarking on this at-home beauty adventure.  May I suggest this Gnarly Head Old Vine Zinfandel my friend Andrew brought me for our 4th of July grill-out on Sunday?  It really goes down super smoothly and is very tasty.  Oh, and under $10 bones.  A price I can co-sign. 

It's not the white Zinfandel that you think of when you hear the word "Zinfandel".  It's actually a wine with rich, dark berry flavors and is said to pair well with BBQ pork ribs, moms favorite Chili or steak fajitas.  Personally, my glass paired well with last night's season premiere of Teen Mom 3.  Score!

Now that you got your bubbly in your belly, let's move onto THE MAIN EVENT:

For all you non-single ladies out there, make sure the boyfriend/fiancee/husband isn't expected home for at least 15 minutes or have him brace himself because he might see you lookin' a hot mess.

I picture text this beaut to several friends and my favorite response was,"That's gross. Did you just cover your face in baby food?"  No sir, no I did not.  Just a little egg white, oatmeal and lemon concoction.  Totally typical Tuesday night for me.

I know exactly what you're thinking because I was thinking it the entire time too ...

The mask after 15 minutes of drying.

I was pretty confused during the entire process.  Why did I look like a hobbit with a bad flare up of facial warts?  The paste was falling off my face in clumps, so I kept rubbing it in.  Eventually I realized it wasn't going to rub on like lotion, so I decided to give it the 15 minutes it needed to work it's magic.

I gotta tell you though that within the 15 minutes, my skin started to tighten up.  So tight I could barely open my lips wide enough to purse my wine glass.  I knew something must be working and sure enough, my skin had never felt tighter.  Once I washed it off with cool water and a wash cloth in the bathroom sink, my post-mask skin was super soft and firm.

Say it isn't so! It's a Christmas Miracle ... the potion actually works. 

A few last instructions to minimize your "THE HELL!?" confusion moments throughout this process:

All ingredients totaled less than $2.

Remind me next time NOT to post any DIY beauty regimens before actually trying them myself.  I would prefer to work out all the kinks for you ladies first.  K? Great.

Now you are fully equipped to benefit from easy at-home beauty treatment that promises to produce lots of laughs.  Just don't forget the wine!