Gas station pick-up lines

A little something light today for your hump day.  


I don't know what it is but apparently the gas station is the place where skeezebags have decided to holler at me this week.

During my lunch break on Monday I stopped by the gas station to fill up my tank.  When I went inside to pay, a man with a fully gold grill yells out to me, "Hey girl, how you doing?"  I don't make eye contact, I say "hello" and I move along inside to pay.  

When I come outside he is just perched up against his work truck and asks, "Hey, do you need me to take you to lunch?"  

Me:*Awkward laugh*  "No thank you."

Skeezebag #1: "Why not? Come on."   

Um, I'll tell you why not.  You're probably 50+ years old and have a mouth full of gold.  Do you honestly think I would go to lunch with you, a stranger, who is loitering at a gas station?  But instead of saying what I was actually thinking I .... *Awkward chuckle again*

Skeezebag #1: "Well, do you need help pumping your gas?"

Me: "No."  And I locked myself in my car until he got the hint to drive off.

So that happened Monday.  

Well Tuesday I go to another gas station down the street to pick up wine a few things and this transpires:

I feel this dudes eyes on me as I make my way around the store and I once again make no eye contact when he's standing by the register as I go check out (even though he had already paid). 

Skeezebag #2: "I hope whoever you're going home to treats you good. If not, I'm telling my mamma and then Obama." 


Ummm what? Sir, that doesn't even make sense. Cue me awkward laugh AGAIN.

Then he puts his hand out to introduce himself. WTF? I don't want to a) touch your hand and b) I definitely don't care what your name is. 

So next he puts his hand up to his ear pretending to make a phone call to his mom telling her all about the blonde girl standing there in a black dress. Yes, this was happening. 

I give him an awkward chuckle and keep my back to him as I'm paying hoping he gets the eff out.  He sees I'm ignoring him so he tells me, "I'm going to make like a tree and roll."

Actually Einstein, the saying is "make like a tree and leaf" and you can do just that. Sick.

I mean, what girl would find this type of behavior endearing, charming, appropriate, etc.? Does this ever actually work for them?  These are questions I need answers to. Y'all get back to me because I'm off to Happy Hour. Holla.