I confess that if one more friend tells me to get on match.com, I will cut them. If I wanted to be on Match, eharmony, plenty of fish, etc., I'd be on it.
One of my married friends has even insisted on more than one occasion that I should join Events and Adventures aka the self proclaimed "Single Events Club". Her text message went a little something like so:
"I'm going to sign you up for Events and Adventures, but I'll do it with you. They do cool stuff like field trips to wine tastings and rock climbing."
Do I look like I rock climb? She may have had me at wine tasting, but she killed it with "field trip". I didn't know adults went on field trips unless they were chaperoning as part of their PTA obligations.
Furthermore, at Oktoberfest this year I saw this lonely man holding up a yardstick with a "Dallas Singles Meet-Up" computer print off stapled to it. No offense, but I'd rather die alone before I'm seen huddling around a "Dallas Singles Meet-Up" sign in a public place. Seriously? That has to be a joke.
I know all you "relationship people" don't understand us "single people" and that's perfectly fine. I don't try to understand you. I also know that being 27 and single in the South is the equivalent of having a third leg, but if I'm OK with it, then you should be too.
I'm 99 percent kidding about this, so my dear friends, let's not get all up in arms. I still have a few more years before my ovaries completely dry up. Until then, let me drink too much and make bad decisions.
I know this entire post contradicts what I'm about to say, but I honestly have no issue with online dating. I have friends who have met their spouses on it. I personally just don't want to be on it right now. Namely because I need to do all three of these things: